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Ayahuasca Trip Report

Ayahuasca Trip Report

Ayahuasca Trip Report - Buy Ayahuasca herbs online

I took Ayahuasca twice in March of 2015, both time with the same batch.  I’d cooked down b. caapi and Chacruna until there were about ten hits of Ayahuasca for me, a total of four pounds of Chacruna and two pounds of caapi.  I drank this the first time early in the morning in the beginning of March, and I spent time holding The Medicine in until I had to puke.  Then I became drowsy but had a nice glow in my body that felt good, so I laid down in bed.  I started seeing images of fruit in front of my eyes, exotic fruit that my not even be real in the real world, and they were very nice looking.  I soon fell fully asleep under this spell and had a dream.

 

I was dreaming that I was in a group of people seated outdoors in a public place, listening to the president speak.  A child in my dream was being harassed by his older brother, and he jumped me and shouted “He’s being an asshole!”.  I then woke up suddenly.  When I woke, it was early morning, around seven am with the sun out, and I felt great. 

 

That same day I took another dose of Ayahuasca and this time I took a shower.  The lights were on in the bathroom and they seemed to be glowing very brightly, and I was talking out loud about what I was seeing.  My feelings took a turn for the worst and suddenly I felt like my body was being destroyed from the inside out.  I took medication quickly and then fell asleep after, and woke up feeling pretty bad.  I felt very lonely and sad and tired of my life.

 

I drank for three days after this and found I couldn’t stomach it anymore so I just quit.  For the first time in six years, I quit drinking and didn’t even turn back.  I haven’t really desired to drink ever since, that was five months ago.  So, although the second Ayahuasca experience crashed on me, the effect was still good.

 

Ayahuasca August 2015

 

Prayers/Intent

  • Quit tobacco with a clean break, no looking back (no pillar of salt for me)
  • The ability to slip into trance effectively
  • Better sleep (as a consequence of 2)
  • Easier and more natural fasting
  • Abstinence from sexuality for the duration of August
  • Inspiration for poetry, prose, and music
  • Better “mind”, thoughts, feelings, perceptions

 

These are my wishes that I ask of God for.  Gods, as this implies a unity of the Divine forces from various perspectives.

 

The process is simple.  Make The Medicine, then take The Medicine.  Three times, three mornings, between 2 and 4 a.m.  Only in total silence, take the drum with you and chant. Listen to the birds, lay on your back and look at the stars, or close your eyes.  Try to sleep at the end of the trip.

 

I wish to read books more, write much more, get inspired for a major piece of work that could bring substantial income, and appreciate art more, as well as play the guitar and write music much more.  I’d like to get a piano and learn to play again.  I’d like to lucid dream at will, with technique and sleep better.  I’d like to control my food intake and sleep well anyways, and exercise.  I’d like to lose twenty pounds in a few months.  I’d like to easily (for smoking) quit smoking.  I will take The Medicine three times, possibly three days in a row.  It will be done as it is required, with the conventional physical and mental needs to produce the best result.

 

I’d like to get over my history and live presently in time and space, within my mind and body.  I suffer from a variety pack of symptoms, generally I feel that my mind is elsewhere literally, and things are being done to it or me by someone who is essentially using me.  As they had for many years in my life before, and probably after somehow.  I’d like to forgive everyone involved in the mess, including myself and the part I played.  I’d like to create a full circle of redemption, over time, and an understanding of who and what I am and what I’m doing as to have conscious control and deliberation over things to not make mistakes and fully utilize my own potential.

 

I’d also like heady hits to my feelings, both inspired by music and writing and also just as is, or reading (as I wish to get into a novel).  Better visions, both awake and more so asleep.  Luck in some ways pertaining to life (money, love) and more motivation to work, more energy, and also the dedication to exercise.  I’d like to fast for the duration of August and September and try to lose 25-30 lbs.

 

I regularly hear voices always with some kind of insinuation of something malicious happening to me, like an ongoing subconscious threat in my mind.  The Mind, I should say, as it does not belong to me.  I’d like this to stop and be changed into more quiet time without fretting or fussing and not smoking, possibly reading, and no undercurrent of disease established in my perception.  I’d like real signs of that fact that this is true and real in how I feel and think, and also how people are affected by me (eventually when I leave my house).  I’d like an appreciation of what affects me, myself and my own perceptions and consequent actions.  Heightened self-awareness.  And on top of that, I’d like to see more, much more of the good, which is always tangible.  I’d like to shift my attention and energy away from negative thinking and feeling and promote (or be promoted by what affects me from the outside) to be more positive, and more intuitive in healthy ways.

 

I’d like a strong emphasis on forgiveness and redemption and the healing power for the mind, body, and spirit, of these things that can occur in real ways.  I need to forgive, and I need to be forgiven.  I need to accept these things as though they are real when they happen; I’m going to The Christ.  I need to forgive Jay, and move on with my life and my mind, my attention.  I need to forgive my parents for any mistakes they made (or make) with me.  I need to forgive myself for following poor choices and going against my better judgment.  I need God to come and forgive me for being unclean, and any spirits that need to be a part of this process. 

 

I would like a healthier way of conceiving time passage, specifically getting into “timelessness” and a connection to infinity.  This I need to teach me patience.  I need to stop looking for ways of manipulating my time perception in unhealthy coping mechanisms.  I am a very impatient person; I look ahead all the time to things I want.  Partly this is due to unhappiness and discontentment in my day to day life, but this can be remedied as well.  I need to live more in the moment, and have healthy connections to the future and past that won’t interfere with my wellbeing and functioning.

 

I’d like a fuller and cleaner mind towards “normal” things that happen.  The usual conditions of unclean mind I know full well.  One way or another, I need to come out of this in healthy mental space where I can think, feel, envision, and drift (if desired) without creating disturbances.

 

I’d like a better connection to “the spirit world”, the worlds of the deceased, of Gods, and an understanding that grows naturally through my experiences and is not threatening to me or anyone else.  I’d like to eventually learn how to deliberately use telekinesis in stronger ways that just shifting the wind as well.  This could take years, and I do not expect a sudden shift in awareness that gives me this capacity at will to come from this endeavor alone.

 

I would like to feel myself both stronger and braver, and also wiser by far.  Cleaner, especially that.  I’d like to have more deliberate and healthy control of my mind, whatever that comprises.  My feelings I’d like more into “letting go”, “going with something good”, “linking up”, and “giving up” on negative addictions on an emotional level. I must be addicted to being the way I am, due to my constraints.  I need to break the chain.

 

I’d like to feel and be more into the natural human virtues, The Virtues of Children.  Affection, curiosity, exploration, bravery, grace, and a “natural-ness” that often eludes adults.  I’d like to embody and feel and think these ways in my life much more as a consequence of my current and future actions.  I’d also like to take into account the “four moods of the identity stalker”.  Sweetness but not naïve, patience but not negligence, ruthlessness but not harshness, cunning but not cruelty.  These lead to a more effective identity that functions with more power.  I’d like these built into my mind as a consequence of these things.

 

Part of the reason I am doing this is to create a substantial increase in personal power.  More effective life, lifestyle, better health, more wellbeing, “higher” states of consciousness, more effective use of “the self”, more luck with money and love, and a fitter physical body are all examples of results I’m seeking.  Primarily I want wise decisions and wise lifestyle to stick and hold indefinitely, infinitely, beyond any shadow of a doubt, for my own wellbeing and for those who do and would care for me.  I’d like higher levels of creativity that are untapped as of yet in my own potential to be available, as I am (no matter how messed up) an artist, and I wish to produce work and also meet people via my music if possible.  I’d like to also feel the presence of “The Creator”, “The Father” and “The Grandmother”, and also “The Christ”.  Lifestyle plays a part in this, but The Medicine is crucial. 

 

I’d like to go into, understand, and get past anything political in my mind, whether it is positive or negative, but it seems always to be negative, though this does not jibe with my feelings and beliefs.  I’d like that part of my life closed and shut.  I need to understand the inner workings of my subconscious in such a way that they don’t impede or negatively affect my conscious mind, and for this I want it to be true that I’m clean, like, there’s no reason to worry because there literally is no reason to worry, not ignorance is bliss, quite the opposite.  I’d like to know more and know why it’s ok and what I do in The Mind and this to be true because it is.

 

My secret life of dreams I wish to expand enormously.  I want to relearn levitation, flying, and seeing in dreams, lucid dreaming at any time that I sleep, and requests to dream of more specific things to come to pass.  I’d like to push the limits of my consciousness in sleep by extending the amounts of time I remember dreams, the goal being immediately after falling asleep to the moment I wake up.  I’d like to interact with aliens, combat demons, and see the dead as though they are alive, as I am when I’m dreaming, as spirits. 

 

I’d like prophetic occurrences (along with everything else) to be clean, clear and obvious to my conscious mind to know what it is that I know.  I wish to be able to affect change for the better based on what I know is to come, as I may have been able to do in the past. I just want any extrasensory phenomena to come through clean and clear, and well understood, not sloppy or juxtaposed with something unclean as though some kind of punishment.  This needs to end, for good, it is unclean in the worst ways to experience this, and I’m running out of excuses due to current lifestyle to account for this.

 

I would like my hallucinations to speak straight, not in the manipulative and half-assed way that they try to address me.  I need whatever in me to change so that this is the way I hear voices.  I live with voices of compulsive liars, sociopathic towards me.  This needs to changed permanently.  I need my mental pathways to run straight, so that things are upfront and honest, obvious to anyone who has eyes and ears.  I need to get away from all of the manipulations and close my mind to that kind of activity.  I need to disconnect from a specific position of my assemblage point and move it to a new and healthier location.  I would like to feel less used and abused, both due to my own actions and the changes made consistent within those actions.  If I quit smoking, this feeling will dissipate to some extent, but there is more to it than that.  I need a proper clean disconnection from outside influence that has no respect or care for my own self and wellbeing, a total break from the common occurrences of this current reality.  I need to confidently be my own judge, my own validation, without reaching to others to give me their mind to support my own, nor do I wish to send my mind to support anything I don’t jibe with, ever.  This should be made permanent forever in my life.

 

I need better ways of understanding my feelings, my emotions, my energy, my responses (both subconscious and conscious), and my internal map of my mind/spirit or my thoughts/emotions.  I need a general state of heightened attention on my own self and life, my own individuality, and my own body.  I wish my feelings to be stronger and more real, and more able to be expressed in valid and powerful or effective ways.  Both with music and writing, and speaking and thinking.  I want my awareness to be connected to both the Christian forms of Deism as well as any pertaining to Ayahuasca specifically, and to practice some form of meditation or “silent time” every day without having to go to sleep.

 

Recapitulation 2015

I spent the months after taking Ayahuasca in 2015 not drinking, and I was suffering from many mental problems anyways.  Over time, my head began to clear up, which will be made more so with the new parameters I’m installing in myself.  At first I was suffering from some levels of dementia, often, which retreated to the background.  Also there was the incipient thoughts of racism or incest, which haunt me all the time.  I need these thoughts to be ended, closed and shut and determined not real, because they’re not anyways.  I played video games, I talked to myself, and I learned to enjoy watching television again.  I also intended to go away for good and start a new life, during that time I was able to sleep without medication again, which is a sign that if I chose to do this I would be able to as well.  This was God’s effect on my brain chemistry.  I blew money gambling for those months, several hundred dollars a month, and I went against my idea of getting a tattoo and changed my mind, losing money on that as well.  The final straw was going on a slot machine spree with my credit card that a moment before this impulse hit me I was about to just close and be done with.  This occurred due to many influences, including my own family visiting my parents and my desire to become free (homeless) and the subsequent use of medication in much lower doses due to this.

 

I’ve been dealing with (off and on) thoughts that come up due to subconscious reasons most often, of racism towards blacks (and after starting to read the Bible Jews as well), incestuous thoughts about my mother and aunt (any related female could be a target), and problems with thinking about the president (again directed with racism and also just paranoia).  I’m a medium that is polluted, I believe, cutting out smoke will help enormously, but time will have to tell ultimately and The Medicine is a prerequisite of my mental health being better established.

 

I basically talked to cabbies, went shopping sometimes, and played a lot of Diablo 3.  It helped pass time, though it is wasteful of my time as well.  I was writing quite a bit just after sobering up and taking Ayahuasca in March, and also reading and playing music. 

 

Ayahuasca Trip:

I took the medicine on August 8th, 2015, and I stayed up all night taking it over and over.  I took it for maybe eight hours straight, and I drummed, watched Fantasia 2000, and listened to appropriate music.  My feelings were upbeat and honestly I felt good up until the end.  At around eight am, I took 112 grams of caapi in a drink and then I took medication on top of it, and I tried to go to sleep. This turned out disastrous, as I felt much worse after taking the medication and was physically frightened in bed. I was hearing voices that were very intrusive, and it felt overall pretty bad.  I fell asleep and woke up feeling different, and I didn’t quit smoking after this.  I started getting more unstable emotionally and ultimately I feel these trips made it more difficult for me to handle myself. 

Next time I take it, I’m going to be off of medication permanently, as I plan to camp out for several months and try to get my head together with God at work with me.  I will take it after going off of medication in the woods where I once had an experience with a telepathic mockingbird.  I feel this is much safer than what I did in my home, and I know not to take so much caapi at once also.  I will camp out in a safe location right on a river in a patch of woods near a neighborhood where I used to live in CT, and not take meds with me, but rather just the Ayahuasca.  This will be much different, and I plan on being off of meds for several days first before taking the medicine.  I feel this will be totally safe, though I know that sounds crazy, but this belief is based on my experiences with God in the woods and especially those woods.  Wish me luck!!!

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